A life-raft in the storm, a break from the madness that is the relationship between myself and my depressed, porn addicted boyfriend.

You know how sometimes tiredness comes between you, you are agitated and you and your partner just rub each other up the wrong way? How the tiredness becomes a chasm opening up between you, forcing you each to retreat into your own safe little world because you just don’t have the energy to argue, or to deal with anything??

Yes, we all know this tiredness issue, and on Tuesday it could have very much been that for us. I worked late Monday night and was up at 6.30am to start early Tuesday morning, I had hardly slept and was exhausted, as was my partner.

But something miraculous happened…a miracle if you will!

I returned home at lunch time and we were so tired, but instead of arguing, we cuddled, we lay down and napped in each others arms, we walked to the shop hand in hand, we chatted light-heartedly after feeling refreshed and we played one of his favourite warhammer style geek games. I won and he didn’t get annoyed, it was an incredibly positive day.

It felt like life before the porn addiction.

It felt like a ray of sunshine after a month long storm, like seeing the first flower of spring after the darkest winter on record, it was like waking up from a nightmare.

Maybe it is the step towards recovering as a couple. The damage from porn addiction is deep and hard to shift but maybe, just maybe we are taking the right steps.

Or could it simply be we each just couldn’t take any more, the self preservation kicked in and we both subconsciously just decided no more, that we needed a break before insanity claimed us both, and our relationship.

Who knows, maybe this is natures way when we reach rock bottom, when we are close to breaking. I was asking last week how people know what to do in these situations, how people manage to walk the path and know they are going in the right direction, how do we decide if to stay or go…maybe I was reaching a breaking point, I needed a sign and my subconscious, along with his helped us see the way, or at least see some of the positive things, feel the positive emotions and remember why we fell in love, why we fight for us even though it would be easier to give up.

For now I feel refreshed and ready to continue on our fight for a secure, strong, porn free relationship.
Watch this space to see what tomorrow brings…rain or shine??