Reading between the lies… playing detective in the relationship.

When do the lies stop and what do they mean?

Today is not a good day.

One of the most annoying and hurtful parts of being a porn addicts partner is the lies. Lies feel like disrespect. They feel like betrayal, when someone you are closest to lies to you time and time again, it really shakes up the foundation of your relationship.

I guess at least they are not just lying to be cruel, addiction can turn people into versions of themselves they don’t want to be and often don’t realize they are being…Or maybe they are just selfish and they don’t care.

Before I go any further, and before you judge I shall explain that my partner and I met whilst he was in Afghan, online. We met for real when he came home, had a few dates and he left again. I honestly didn’t expect to hear from him again, but I did we chatted and when he was home next we met again and got together officially.
So that first time period of meeting up until we actually declared we were together was about 5 months.

OK, so last year when we were working on sharing things I asked him what other girls he saw as well as me at the beginning. Mostly I wanted to know if he would be honest, it didn’t matter after all we weren’t together but also I am curious about such things. As I think a lot of us are, but really it didn’t hurt me when he said he met another woman twice when he was home that first time but nothing happened, they didn’t get on so well and stopped speaking.

I told him her name. Yep that’s right, I knew. I have an intuition some might call a super power. I often find I know things, or suspect things with people and cant say why, but almost always they are right. Anyway, I assumed he was telling the truth. No reason to lie when im not even upset or angry.

Until yesterday…Yesterday he, for some reason, opened up his fb pictures to public, previously nobody could see them. So I had a gander, mostly to see his young self, to see abit of his past. Not to spy as such but I did notice pictures a girl posted of him, after our initial meeting…so I asked him.
He said it was before we met, that they met once and nothing happened…It didn’t feel right and my senses were tingling so I checked out her page, and she had statuses declaring they were together, on 2 consecutive days, after our first 2 dates…I questioned him again and he replied that he doesn’t remember dates, he thought it was before we got together.

But of course, he stayed with her a night, so something happened, and I also remembered the name from his online supplement store, he had paid for and sent her supplements before, like he did for me. (hes a personal trainer, so often does programs for people) But I imagine you don’t pay for that stuff after just one date.

Assured reliance highlighted in blue, under the heading Trust

I asked him to tell me all about it. I wanted some truth, I didn’t care about the girl. We weren’t together and it was so long ago, but I care about whether he has the ability to actually tell me the truth. He didn’t. He wouldn’t. Apparently I am just being nosy.

So now I really wonder, what is he still lying about, why not tell me? What more is there to this story? Did it go on after we were together? What other girls were there, if he outright lied about this…I know he was on dating sites a few times, which we linked to the porn addiction, he was using the pictures to masturbate to, nothing more and I had let that go at the time as I was on his account and there were no messages.
He had been online on my computer and was still logged in when I turned my computer on by the way, I wasn’t searching and snooping.

So now what does this all mean? After so much time and effort talking, learning to share, be honest…What was all that? It clearly didn’t mean anything to him or why would he still lie, and why refuse to tell me about it when I asked. I said I don’t care about the past but I do care about how he communicates now and I wanted some honesty to try to mend the damage by his recent lie.

Is this the reality, is it all based on lies? Or is it a slip up? I understand why he lied, but I don’t understand why he was reluctant to put it right. Why would he want me sat here questioning it all, unhappy and feeling deceived, when he could have fixed that, easily.

I’m once again confused and hurt. Today is one of the darker days where I don’t know what to believe in, I don’t truly know if its worth it. I can’t visualize our future right now.
Anyone recovering from addiction and the people in their lives must go through this roller-coaster of a ride and it sucks! It well and truly sucks!

No, today is not a good day at all.